I didn't really notice it until just now, looking back at my weekly pictures, but you can tell I have a little bit of baby showing. All my clothes still fit me, though, so that's a good thing. I know it won't be too much longer before I will need to do some shopping, but for now I'm happy to stick it out with what I've got.
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Last weekend I didn't get to posting a new blog, basically because I've been so busy. Swamped with school things, by the time I get home I crash. Last Saturday was St. Patrick's Day. I went out for dinner with my sister-in-law. She got me the cutest flower arrangement. Here's a picture.
Pretty clever, I think. Anyway, after dinner we wandered over to Nebraska Furniture Mart to look at baby furniture. It's always fun to look at baby stuff. I don't think their prices are any better than any other place I've been to, so for now I'll just be content with waiting to make big purchases until my summer vaca.
Baby Amen is an active one. Ever since the first movement, it seems Baby Amen has been on the go. Granted, the baby isn't big enough to let all of his or her dancing around keep me up at night, but it is big enough to give me entertainment each day. Yes, that's right. My newest form of entertainment is to come home from school each night and lay down with my hand on my belly. I LOVE to feel Baby Amen moving around. It's so cool. It's the most amazing thing ever, to know your tiny baby is growing and thriving inside of you! I love it.
My next O.B. appointment is on the 26th. I don't have my 20 week ultrasound scheduled yet, so I'm thinking they'll schedule it while I'm there. I'm going to ask that I have my ultrasound done during my Spring Break, that way I don't have to miss any work for it. Also, I'll be free to go straight out shopping after I find out whether to expect Baby Boy Amen or Baby Girl Amen! HA! Actually, I'm not kidding. I've been restraining myself ever since I found out...I deserve a little shopping glory after finding out the sex of my baby! Not too much glory, though. I know I'll be receiving a lot of gifts from family and friends, which I'm so grateful for. Anyway, I've thought of a cute idea of how to tell everyone if Baby Amen is a boy or girl, so I'm in the planning stages now. I'm hoping it turns out because I think it'll be fun. After all, this baby deserves a grand announcement! Baby Amen will be the first grandchild on both the Amen and Johnston side of the family. What a honorable position this little one holds!
Life outside of Baby Amen is speeding past me. I know I'm moving forward in life, but I feel like half of who I am got left behind, somewhere in November of 2006. I don't feel like I'm any less of a person, but I do feel broken. Today marks exactly 4 months since Josh went home and I still feel as broken today as I did on that day. Yes, time moved on...but it hasn't healed anything. Most of the time I still don't believe that he's not here. It just doesn't seem possible. Josh and I always knew it was possible that he may need to leave early, but nothing can really prepare you for when it actually happens. And I can't believe it actually happened. I'm grateful that Josh finds ways to let me know he's still here, though. In my heart I have faith that he never really left and that the only thing he can do to let me know he's around is to leave clues, little hints to help strengthen my belief. Without those little reminders I don't know that I could keep going, but Josh makes sure that I stay strong and live the life that he and I planned on living together. I'm sure I'll make a few deviations from the original plan, but eventually I predict I'll end up right where I'm supposed to be, on my own way home to see my love, my Joshua.
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