november is here...

Kayah will be 3 months old on Wednesday. She's getting so big. She's amazing! Her smiles and coos and funny faces are so much fun. I'm sad when I leave her every morning, I think about her constantly all day, and I rush out of school to pick her up every evening. She's my everything. These past couple of weeks I'm really starting to feel the sadness of missing Josh pretty strong again. The only thing that makes me feel better is holding our baby girl close. Feeling her in my arms is as close as I can get to feeling Josh in my arms. Kayah doesn't know it, but she's my little angel. She's my saving grace. She's keeping me sane when nothing else can. I'm so grateful God decided that Kayah needed to make her appearance when she did. I don't know how I'd get through some of these days without her.

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In church today Pastor talked about the resurrection after death and how the rules and social nuances of our world won't apply once we go home. In my heart this gave me a sense of relief and also a sense of panic. Relief because it gives me some permission to move on...but panic because I want what I had with Josh once again. I guess whatever is meant to be will be...and I have faith that God will put Josh and I together again in Heaven.

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So, here are some updated pictures of Kayah Lu. She's going to be baptized on November 24th. Yes, it is the one year anniversary of Josh's passing...but I did that on purpose. What better way to celebrate Josh's legacy than to baptise our little girl? He would definitely want me to have something hopeful and cheerful to remember the day by. The day should be filled with hope for the future for everyone involved.