so something strange happened to me tonight while i was taking off my make-up in front of the mirror. i looked into the mirror and saw myself. i mean, i really saw myself. and the best part is, i saw myself as a mother for the first time. i got the most surreal feeling...i'm going to be a mother. a mother of something so precious, something chosen in Heaven just for me. i also saw myself, i mean truly saw myself for the first time in a long time as someone powerful. even without the make-up, without the clothes, without all of the external enhancers, i saw myself as being strong and confident. josh had helped me boost my self-confidence over the years and he always made me feel like someone very important every day we were together. after he went home, i talked with him repeatedly and asked him for courage and self-confidence even without him at my side. i think he's sending me another gift tonight...this realization that i am a strong and powerful wife and mother no matter what is going on around me. i'm so grateful that he can still be so influential in my life even from Heaven. so to mark the occasion, i took some pictures of myself because i want to remember this feeling and be able to remind myself when i'm feeling weak that this was the night that josh sent me the gift of confidence and it's also the night that i really saw myself as a mother for the first time.
(here are some of the pictures i took...)
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